If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
