you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Someone shattered a urinal.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
