She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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