East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
