never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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