So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
