He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
