I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
