I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
