Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
