Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
