I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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