NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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