I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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