Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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