you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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