I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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