Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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