Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
