I look better un-naked...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
