I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
