that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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