thus making me awesome and them whores
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
