I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
