I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
