worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize