Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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