May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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