Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
