Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
