I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
