is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
