after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
