my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
