he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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