____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
