Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize