It's Friday. Sex?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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