the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Why is your signature on my underwear?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize