New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
