It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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