My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
