i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Randomize
