Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
