my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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