It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
