You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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