its not stalking. its research.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
