i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
