im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
