the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
