Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
