I am spending my child support on dildos
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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