Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize