I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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