Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
