Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
