fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize