I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize