will power is for people who don't want to get laid
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
