he thought i was a dude.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
