I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
