Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All the doctor said was why
My dad is sitting where you rode me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
