even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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