Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
