I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
