i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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