Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
