I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
