just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
