This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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