You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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