he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
it's like iHOP with fire
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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