I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
