i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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