So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
