I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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