Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
