He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
