This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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