The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize