God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
