eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
