Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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