So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize