im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
