You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We had to coat check the pizza.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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