I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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