Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
