Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
