It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
