these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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