This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize