Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
