i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
