I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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