discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
