your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
