1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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